We all have things going on in life. Some of us have things we can handle and some of us just need to get it out to cope. 3 years ago my husband and best friend was killed while deployed to Afghanistan. We have a daughter and both she and I sometimes even still have a hard time. I wanted to start a blog because I am sure that I am not alone.
I made the decision a little over a year ago to go back to school. This semester let me tell you I made a mistake. I decided to take 5..count them...5 classes. Big Mistake. Along with single parenting of a very active almost teenager and keeping the house running and the financial matters in order and house and all kept up I had to throw school in the mix. The last few semesters were great because I never took over 4. Now I feel sometimes like I am drowning. I feel like I don't have enough time or hands or motivation sometimes.
Also, I have chosen to start running. Not just running but running like 10k's and 5k's and training and stuff.
So, how do we as widows continue to cope. I thought I would take a crack at dating about 2 years ago. Too soon I know. I wasn't ready. I have been through failed relationship after failed relationship. I did find a guy that was a police officer and I absolutely adored him. He broke my heart. He didn't know what he wanted and it was a bad break up. He came back around recently not to date but just to apologize for how it ended. This was hard for me. I still care about him deeply and ultimately and just want to be with him but understand I cant. It's hard to understand sometimes. Like why can't I meet someone special. I have prayed and prayed because I try to be a spiritual person. I guess I am a little selfish when it comes to praying though. If I had to be honest I would say that yes I want to eventually marry a cop. Want to know why? Because I feel safe with them. Because I like the uniform and because I just want to. Dumb reasons I know. Can't help it I suppose. Figure if I can't have the cop why not someone similar.
Have to just say all of that for now and keep reading and see how I cope.
